Have you ever found yourself in a situation or predicament where you just can’t seem to get along with another person, or just communicate that way for some reason alone? Either to achieve a certain wish or to provide potentially beneficial advice that the other selected doesn’t seem to understand. Do you feel like you’ve tried everything? Fear not: the purpose of this post has ancient, but very simple yet seemingly forgotten self-help principles to aid your irrefutable frustration regarding such a common problem.
There are times in life when we are puzzled by our ability to deal with other people, sometimes you are not sure if it is you, them or the weather (for many reasons) or accept the complexity of exactly what is causing such trouble. a task seems impossible.
Listed below are 3 easily digestible principles to keep in mind to effectively handle anyone; that when learned and practiced, it will seem effortless. Enjoy.
Self-help principle 1: Never criticize, complain or punish.
Let’s start with a short parable. A man with an infamous reputation is often a feared criminal, in this sense, he is considered evil for his misdeeds and acts of injustice. It is this injustice that society and its conventional values see this person as contrary to the norm.
On one particular night in London, dozens of police officers were heard entering and around Oxford Circus tube station as gunfire lit up the night. The screams and despair spread as the night grew old, it was rumored that one of London’s most wanted was spotted inside and, once noticed, laid siege to human lives as a lever. Thousands of people listened and waited closely behind the human blockade of officers, nothing like seen before on the London tracks. When this man was captured, Captain S. Montgomery declared that the man was unknowingly to the public, an enemy of the state who had previously gone rogue for undisclosed reasons. “He will ignore all consequences of behavior,” said the Captain, “and will kill in the blink of an eye.”
The question we must ponder is, how did this mysterious man consider himself? We know this, because it is only after we find evidence at this man’s residence that they may be mutually exclusive with these intentions. a letter labeled “For my younger self.” And, as he said: “Under this vessel there was a heart of gold, one that was often left cold.”
Not long before this, this man was coming out of his morning to surprise his girlfriend out of town near West Sussex. After he arrived and noticed another man on the bed. Without saying a word, he jumped out the window and drew his gun, the pistol fired and the air shattered. The bullet tore through space and silence fell on him as it passed. He spoke, but his words were lost in silence. That was the murderer who said “Under this vessel was a heart of gold, one that left too many times cold.” The man was sentenced to death. When he was in his last hours, do you think he said, “This is what I get for killing people”? No, he said, “This is what I get for doing what any man would do.”
The point of this story is exactly this: This man didn’t blame himself for anything. Would you say this is an unusual thought process for criminals? I think not, now ponder this for a minute and ask yourself, if these men and women behind bars are not blaming themselves for acts of such sin, what about the people that you and I have come into contact with ? People don’t criticize themselves for nothing, no matter how severe or how wrong they may be.
BF Skinner, a world-famous psychologist, had shown in his experiments that animals respond and learn much more efficiently when they are rewarded with good behavior and retain that information rather than being punished for bad behavior. Other studies also showed that the same theory applies to humans. In self-help we must be self-aware and recognize that the person we feel the need to correct or criticize will probably justify himself for whatever reason. Maybe even criticize us in return?
Do you know someone you aspire to change or improve? maybe a partner, friend, colleague, etc. Why not start with the man in the mirror? This is much, much more profitable and efficient in the long run, and it is also the pinnacle of self-help improvisation. Remember that before you try to handle others, that you are dealing with creatures of emotion, master this and things will fall in the right places.
Self-help principle 2: Show a little appreciation.
There are about eight wishes in life that we really wish for, I’ll label them; the eight things we want the most. We will be developing only one of these wishes in this principle. The principle analyzed and raised is “The desire for importance.” If you are interested in the other seven, you can head here.
Most of these desires are more or less fulfilled throughout our travels, although there is a deep, longing, and heartbreaking desire that is rarely fulfilled. I think you guessed it, the wish for importance. Who doesn’t like a compliment? One of the most, if not the most sought after in life, is the gratification of appreciation, hence the word “longing” not desire, but appreciation and not importance. The person who can recognize this is fine, fine, and possibly on the way. However, to grasp this information and apply it strictly whenever given the opportunity, this person will hold people in the palms of their hands.
The desire for importance has been around for centuries, this desire even stems from the infamous quote I’m sure you’ve heard “We buy things we don’t like, to impress people we don’t even know, with money we donate.” I haven’t even. coolest car, this desire even affects the way you talk about your brilliant partner or your kids. Some even fall victim to engaging in criminal activity, joining a gang, or going as far as your imagination serves you, why? The answer is simply ego, the desire for appreciation, the desire for importance.
An easy way to get started: Bring to the table genuine enthusiasm among your people, appreciation, and encouragement to others for the little things that make a big impact. Positive reinforcement is really important sometimes, but be careful not to flatter. Flattery and appreciation are two very different things, the difference is ‘sincerity’. One comes from the ‘heart’ and the other from the mouth. One is sincere and the other has an ulterior motive.
Again, the difference is “sincerity”.
One comes from the ‘heart’ and the other from the mouth. One is sincere and the other has an ulterior motive.
What do average people do? Exactly the opposite.
If one does not approve or does not feel like something, he will scold his henchmen, partners, etc., etc. if they like it or approve of it, most of the time they don’t say anything. Let’s stop thinking about ourselves, our achievements and our desires. Let’s try to analyze the person with whom we want to interact and try to recognize their traits, ignore the flattery and acquire a genuine and real appreciation. Do this often and people on the receiving end will keep your words strong, for longer than you can remember their faces.
Self-help principle 3: Give the person an incentive.
Let’s start with a bite-sized parable by D. Carnegie. One man is in charge of how he spends his time, this man enjoys fishing as his selected hobby, and often spends the summer in Maine. “Personally, I like strawberries and cream,” said D. Carnegie, “but I’ve started to notice that fish prefer worms.” This brilliant man didn’t think about what he wanted while fishing, he thought about what the fish wanted. So why not take this perfect little allegory and apply it when fishing for people.
Why be useless and talk about our desires? We are interested in what we want and others are interested in what they want, you may rarely come across the occasion when others are also interested in your wishes, as you share a goal or a common desire. But the rest of us are just like you, we only invest in what we want. Do you see where this is heading? The only way to exert influence and be able to handle someone on these occasions is to talk about their needs, their desires, and you know what else? You have to show them how to get it.
Visualize yourself in a future situation that you find yourself in, the one that tries to get someone to do something or change something. For instance; You want your child to stay indoors and refrain from going out, as they have an exam to attend the next morning, don’t just stand there and lecture about what you want, we all know the answer and the reasoning behind of your desire; But instead, show them how leaving can affect their grades and the achievement of that future opportunity.
Another parable to give us an idea is; Mr. Ralph Emerson and his son were trying to get their calf to the barn, yet inevitably they made the common mistake and were just thinking about what they wanted. Can you guess what the calf was thinking? If you noticed, you would assume (and you are right) that the calf is thinking only about what it wants, so the calf had centered its weight and refused to move. A passerby, the maid had been observing the whole situation, unbeknownst to Ralph and his son, she had a wide perception of her surroundings, she was thinking about what the calf wanted; so he placed his maternal finger inside the calf’s mouth and let the calf suck on his finger as he patiently guided it into the barn.
You may find yourself in a situation tomorrow where you want to persuade someone to do something. Before any form of communication, stop and ask yourself the question, “How can I make this person want to do this?” Not only will this question stop outright ineffectiveness and possibly embarrassing conversations that end with useless talk of your desires, but it will give the person an incentive to do something. Whoever is capable of doing this has the universe with him.