Narcissistic partners like to use silent treatment and other passive aggressive punishments on anyone who dares criticize them for suspicious or questionable behavior. Particularly demoralizing, invoking the silent deal is the narcissistic way to teach the victim a lesson and assert control in the relationship. I speak from experience when I say that subjecting someone to silent treatment is one of the things, if not the most painful, that a narcissist will do to fulfill their relationship agenda. What silence “tells” to the victim is that it is not even worth acknowledging … that the very existence of the victim is not worth the narcissist’s.
My ex-narcissistic boyfriend of twelve years put me through silent narcissistic treatment roughly every three to six months at first. Twelve years later, silence came to me on a rotation of two weeks and two weeks off. Of course, the relationship had gotten so ridiculous in that moment that he would almost welcome silence as painful as it was. Even now, I hate to think of the girl who was suffering on the other side of that rotation because I’m sure she existed.
No matter how long or how often you have a silent treatment, the feeling you are left with is indescribable. To add to the pain, the narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath will usually not even explain why they are ignoring you. This causes feelings of despair and often forces the recipient to apologize simply to apologize, in hopes of ending the nightmare. Of course, everything the victim feels when rejected and ignored is exactly what the narcissist intends that person to feel. Remember, everything a narcissist does or says is a means to an end. Behind every narcissistic action, there is always an evil motive. With silent treatment, the reason has to do with control.
Meanwhile, while the victim suffers, the narcissist goes about his business until, at some point, the punishment becomes “enough.” When this happens, the narcissist usually comes back unexpectedly, offering little, if any, explanation as to why he left or did not answer the door, phone, emails, or text messages. Having felt so broken and dejected during the silence, a victim is often so relieved that it is all over that she does not demand answers anyway. This particular response, by the way, is an intentional result of this type of passive-aggressive punishment and one of the powerful ways that a person with this personality disorder manages the expectations of others so that they expect less of him and run away. . with more.
You must understand that there is never a good reason for absolute silence. Communication is key to any relationship and is not controlled by one person. The narcissistic partner will stop at nothing to hurt you and will cross all boundaries, personal and otherwise, to break your spirit and literally destroy you. Silent treatment is just one weapon in the narcissistic partner’s endless arsenal of pain producers and you are the only one who can stop it. Believe me, the narcissist never will.