How to be friends after a bad breakup
In most relationships, couples bond together not only as lovers or spouses, but also as friends. They enjoy talking to each other, laughing together, and sharing secrets as well as creating romantic memories. But what happens when romance breaks out?
Romance can die even in happy, healthy relationships. Unfortunately, it can lead to relationship breakdown or even breakdown. It’s a painful double whammy. You lose your lover and your friend at the same time.
Instead of dating late at night and making love, you end up with extensive arguments and hurt feelings. So how can you be friends with your ex?
Friendship after a relationship: is it possible?
We’ve all seen great relationships end with two people hating each other, flushing the friendship down the toilet along with everything else. Friendship may have added beauty to the relationship, but they can’t have a simple conversation after a bad breakup.
One person may still want friendship, while the other may never want to talk again. Or one person wants to get back together, while the other says that friendship is the only option. Usually both people lose the battle and it is a devastating situation. So how can this unfortunate trend be avoided?
What does it take to be friends with your ex
- Two people with one goal. To begin with, a friendship requires two people on the same page. If you push for a friendship when your ex isn’t ready, it only causes arguments and pushes the other person away. That is the exact opposite of what you want. Even if you were best friends when you were together, it takes a lot of patience to develop a friendship after a bad breakup. Don’t let heartbreak or anxiety make you rush when what you really need is space to calm down. They need time to miss each other and begin the forgiveness process. Only then can the trained partners work on building a platonic relationship.
- Slowly reconnect with your ex. After taking time apart, prepare to contact your ex. However, don’t expect things to snap together again. At first, they may not hang out together at their favorite place or spend hours on the phone like they used to. Maybe just start with short conversations. One way to start this is a simple text or email message asking how your ex is doing. Be brief and concise, remembering that the idea is simply to put your foot in the door.
- Do not repeat the past. Once you’re making progress in having conversations with your ex, you may be tempted to bring up the issues that led to the breakup. Unless you apologize, this is a very bad idea. Focusing on the present helps avoid arguments that could threaten your future as friends. So discuss something interesting and positive that is happening in your life. If a difficult topic comes up, move as quickly as possible to something more positive. When reconnecting after a bad breakup, the last thing you want is to cause more hurt feelings. Negative memories only bring negative results.
- Communicate your goals. Remember to keep communication open and make sure you are both on the same page. If one or both of you want to get back together, this needs to be discussed at the right time and in the right way. If any of you have doubts about friendship, discussing this is just as important. With such a sensitive issue, you want to make decisions that won’t ultimately backfire. They must avoid hurting each other and focus on a common goal.
It doesn’t work for everyone, but in fact it is possible for exes to become friends. It takes time, understanding, forgiveness, and (most of all) patience.